..

typed the message... but i didnt send it out. perhaps i really have problem to express care and love to people, but why do i even find it hard to care for people closest to me? I don't know...

a friend of my dad passed away just now. before that, my dad texted me and said pray for his friend. My sister and i get this a lot from my dad actually, like pray for his friend that is sick and all. so i received his text, am not sure if i know this aunty. i hope is not the one that always came to my house, i still don't know who is it now actually.. So, i prayed a simple prayer with full confidence and faith knowing that my God is a healer and who is able to do immeasurably more than all  we ask or imagine. but about a few hours later, i received another text from my dad saying "my friend had just passed away". what really disturb me is not the bad news, is the way my dad text me.. if i were to count how many times i sms with my dad, i would say not more than 20 times (not exaggerating) even if he called, all we talked about is school fees and accommodation.. My dad is not a believer, he asked to pray and i prayed.. i didnt reply any messages to him even after he texted me that his friend passed away... im not quite sure what stops me from comforting my dad, maybe because he's cool and chill.. although im not at home now, but i can picture how painful my dad is right now.. cause i remembered there was once when i was sick (normal fever) my dad was sick as well.. so he brought me together to see doctor, and while we were sitting on the waiting bench.. as you know girls eye are spiral vision.. i saw my dad sitting down with his head lowered closest to his knee.. and i saw tear drops fell onto the floor.. I heard my mom said it was because one of his friend passed away.. sometimes i wish i can just show love and care to people naturally, like carrie she can do that like anytime.. i guess this is something that i need to break, too much doubt in me. not doubting God or people around, just doubting myself alone.. I don't like it when i can't act naturally when it comes to comforting, even if im doing it, it just comes very unnatural.. or maybe it will be just silence. before i write this post i actly typed a message to reply my dad, but i didnt send it.. so before i finish this line, i stopped and went to reply my dad... so i think for me to learn how to care is to start with sms/whatsapp.. =/